Nobody has ever won a piece of business in an office. I have checked. Offices are where business goes to be written up, invoiced and argued about. The winning happens elsewhere, ideally somewhere with a dress code and a bar that does not close.
1. The members' club
The natural habitat. Perry and Dilla met in one, Malcom predicted the death of one, and I have been asked to leave three, which I consider a strong relationship with the category. The rule is simple: never mention work until the client does. The client will mention work at about eleven at night, and by then you will have agreed a retainer on a napkin, which Dilla will invoice for.
2. The shoot
Nothing bonds a CMO and an agency like standing in a cold field at seven in the morning pretending to enjoy it. Bring a hip flask. Bring two. Let the client hit more than you, and if you cannot help hitting more than the client, say it was the wind. I once closed a six-figure brand refresh in a beater's hut. I once lost one by commenting on a man's gilet. Know your audience.
3. The yacht
Expensive, but nobody can leave. That is the whole strategy. Present the credentials deck somewhere off the coast of Antibes and the client has nowhere to go but yes. Do not let DJ Dan near the sound system. Do not let anyone see the bill. If something goes wrong on a yacht, and it will, I am the one who rings the papers. I have their numbers memorised.
4. The company offsite
Technically for the team. Actually for the two clients we invite as “guest speakers”. The agenda says alignment and the evening says ███████. Barry is not invited, because someone has to stay behind and keep the server alive.
Places we do not do business
The office, as covered. Teams calls, where nobody can see you pour a drink. And any restaurant the client chose, because if they chose it, they are paying, and if they are paying, they are in charge, and if they are in charge I need a █████ cigarette.
